You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
