wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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