i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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