i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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