Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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