then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
