Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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