she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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