I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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