dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
someone owes me an orgasm
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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