Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize