forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
