Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
