when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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