I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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