I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
