All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
