Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I came so hard my ears popped.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
