Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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