it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
