dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
