we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
