Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
