I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
