eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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