so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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