Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
