im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
