So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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