Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
