At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
