you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize