wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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