why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who died my cat blue again?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
