he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
