Nicole vs. Life
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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