so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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