That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
