At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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