I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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