I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
