I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
