Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Where is the hickey?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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