I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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