My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
