I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
