Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
