omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
