Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The ass gains better be worth it
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