wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is Oprah even human
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
