Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
