Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Someone signed my nipple.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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