My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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