Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize