i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
