there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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