My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
