bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
