Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
