oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My balls are so social today.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
