Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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