I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
