y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
