Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
