i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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