i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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