I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
