I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
