i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
