brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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