yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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