Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
