if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
