We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
