I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize