cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
