I will die if light touches me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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