I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
