Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize