i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
