so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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