i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
