they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
