take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
