I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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