Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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