WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
