dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just high enough for therapy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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