what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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