i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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