The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
