Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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