he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
