she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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