I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
