I want to have your abortion
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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