She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
