please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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