so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
