She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
