can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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