some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
