Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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