Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
