so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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