Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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