I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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