In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I need moral support for this bender
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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