Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
