Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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