dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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