winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
